All to the G…

All to the G…
If the rest of my dating life were to include only experiences like G., I wouldn’t exactly be upset. Well except for the withdrawal. G. withdrawal is a bitch, but not as bad as it could have been.
Insert nostalgic sigh here.
The sigh isn’t even completely about his oral talents, which — Lord in heaven have mercy — are formidable, it’s also about his penchant for romantic gestures, his sense of romance, his intellect, sense of humor, and sweetness. And DAMN, he could give oral…but I digress.
I had been talking to a couple of guys who had all managed to  annoy the shit out of me before we even met, so I found myself trolling profiles one night, wondering what to do. Until this point, I had not reached out to any guys online, only responded to those who had approached me. Then I came across a pic of this guy, salt-n- pepper hair, at a bar or someplace with his companions cropped out (I hate those pics). He looked like he was up to no good. I laughed. Then I read his profile and it was so funny (no I’m not going to quote it) that I was laughing out loud and just had to drop him a line casually inviting him to get in touch with me. Then I continued reading his profile, paying attention to questions he had answered in general and saw that we had a LOT of sexual compatibility. I hadn’t answered the questions, so I went down the list and answered all the relevant ones, the whole time thinking WTF am I doing, I’m supposedly looking for a long-term relationship. Whatever this guy was, he wasn’t long-term material, I knew it from the get-go. But I didn’t care.  Insert horny laugh.
We bonded over a marathon phone call during which we discussed everything including my incipient sexual freakishness. There were things I wanted to explore and he wanted to be my guide so to speak.
In 48 hours G. had me thinking I could be in love with him, which is the mark of an experienced seducer. Again, I didn’t care, I was in the moment, enjoying the round the clock texting, the constant calls, the intelligent conversation and romance (those two rarely come together and when they do, panties off!).  Our first meeting was out of a movie. Flowers, a book, a French bistro, decadent food, an amazing bottle of wine and lots of kisses and canoodling. Afterwards we took a meandering walk around the neighborhood with lots of pauses in dark corners for hot kisses and whispers of sweet and nasty things. One. more. sigh…..
The few days (four? five?) until our next meeting seemed interminable but when I finally landed on his bed…Lord Jesus (do I blaspheme?). It was like he was worshipping me, exploring me and debauching me all at once. Did I fuck his face? Yes I did.  Every woman should experience that before she dies.
If I had written the script for the encounter that ended my sexual drought, it couldn’t have been more perfect. A guy who totally romanced me; sex with all the modern twists — porn, toys,  and a camera. I caught him filming me blow him, and made him delete it. “But you look so hot,” he protested.
The purple vibrator made me laugh but didn’t arouse me at all — it was actually annoying. I told him he should have waited for me to buy a toy but he had wanted to surprise me. He certainly did. He also set the bar high. I mean how many of your former lovers would have bought you a vibrator as a surprise, and then used it on you?  Exactly.
It’s possible that there’s video of me at some point during the weekend but I don’t care. Sex is the most beautiful and most normal thing in the world. What’s the problem?
Image: ©Greg Eckler via No infringement intended.


  • Ms. Behaves

    May 29, 2012 at 3:44 pm

    No, I forgot about it – it would have been a nice souvenir though.

  • Anonymous

    May 28, 2012 at 5:59 pm

    No one has ever brought me a vibrator, did you take it home ?

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