Can I just get F*#$ed Already?

Can I just get F*#$ed Already?
Relationships are supposed to be hard, but jumping on the first attractive cock that comes along is supposed to be easy, right (isn’t that why everyone frowns upon such behavior)? Hah!
For the last week, I’ve been trying to get down and dirty with random (and a couple of not-so-random) guys to no avail. I mean, there are men with my phone number in their inbox/phone who know that dialing it will result in sex. And yet…no calls, no texts, no emails — so I’m left extremely frustrated and wondering…am I such a troll or are these people too busy for sex? Or are they married and can’t do it or…WTF I don’t understand!!!  >insert kicking and screaming tantrum<
I realize it’s not all about me. I know this. But this is just happening with every guy I’ve been talking to? What is this, keep it in your pants week? OK it is Lent, but as far as I know (and after 16 years of Catholic education I know PLENTY) there are no limits on sex during Lent other than procreation-only bullshit that’s standard.
So? Troll Patrol…my fragile self-esteem is taking a beating, and I’m pissed about it. Intellectually I know my attractiveness is not the issue, but when the message you’ve received during your formative years is that you’re worthless (from a father who walked away without a word and a mother who needed to make you feel that way to feel better about herself), “there’s something wrong with me” is the default position on your self-esteem meter. After much therapy and enlightenment, that changes, but it sometimes takes remarkably little to go back to that place. Not being able to get laid? Yeah, I’m naked in front of the mirror assessing the cost of a full-body lift. Mind you, none of these guys has seen me naked and only one has actually met me in person.
And to be fair, there is one guy I’m not even trying to close the deal with because even though he’s gorgeous — dreamy green eyes, shoulder-length dark hair – he’s smart — an attorney and Talmudic scholar — he’s funny, BUT  he has the hairiest chest I’ve ever seen (just from sitting across a table from him) and he says he won’t manscape. Yikes. When I think of him I just see the thicket of hair on his chest…but oh, the pain and deprivation. I might just make the call.

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