As soon as I heard about this story I knew had to write about it here. One of my favorite sites, Jezebel.com, ran a story this past weekend out of Munich, Germany about a 47 year-old woman who was arrested for assault for refusing to let a man she hooked up with leave her apartment. She demanded more sex after he tried to leave. Twice. It’s not clear how exactly she prevented him from leaving the apartment.
There is so much wrong here, I don’t know where to start. First, let’s assume this woman’s libido wasn’t enhanced by any chemicals administered by the lover on the balcony. Obviously she was impaired by something. Not because she needed so much sex (that’s the reality with most women, but we just get programmed to ignore/suppress it), but because she thought restraining, forcing the guy to service her was acceptable. Also, the fact that she reportedly propositioned the cops makes me think she was deeply intoxicated or drugged, either by her own hand or by the hook-up.
This tawdry little story vividly illustrates the deep disconnect women have from their own desires and sexual needs. If women were taught that having multiple partners is acceptable (provided you play safely), that having a sexual drive outside a relationship is natural and acceptable, then shit like this would never happen. If such a female utopia existed, drunken hook-ups would be nearly extinct. So many women use alcohol to permit themselves to indulge their sexuality, all kinds of bad things can and do happen. What our German sister really needs is a lesson in Craigslist.
Imagine a world where you can make a clear-headed decision that you want to fuck a, b and c man, and do so with delight and without shame. Imagine a world where you can fuck as many men as you need to without fear of judgments, slurs or disappearing access to adequate birth control. Imagine a world where women can bear and raise children (if they want to) in the relationship of their choice: monogamous, polyamorous, gay, bi single or anything in-between (I’m not o.k with those oppressive polygamous sects out West), without being looked at and depicted as monsters by society and the media. Imagine…
The further I travel on my own journey, the more I believe everyone should have periods of celibacy (not as long as mine!!!!), sexual freedom and monogamy . There is psychological and spiritual (yeah, I said spiritual) growth to be had from each state which is valuable. But society is so suspicious of people (especially women) who live outside the lines. It’s hard to break the mold, but so worth it.
For a story about women who got it right, read this.