The Learning Part

The Learning Part
I know that part of the process I’m going through is a learning experience — it’s not all about huge cocks and orgasms. Sigh..oh, sorry I got distracted, ha-ha.
So what have I learned?
For one thing, I realized that I’m not sure I know how a “normal” relationship gets underway. Throughout my adulthood, my relationships have started with extreme heat. Sex first, or at least soon, and then the relationship develops from there. There was only one time that I had the dates and the build up to the sex, and that was my ex-husband. Disaster. So you understand if I’m skeptical about trying that again.
I think that without the heat, I get bored and I’m not interested, or maybe I need to feel desired to start a relationship.  I’m not sure why this is, I just know that’s how it is with me. I know I’ve been on dates, but the fact that I can’t remember any right now tells you all you need to know.

When I realized this I started judging myself and started to think that when I am ready to be in a relationship, I couldn’t do it this way anymore, I should go the traditional route and do the dating, and leave the fucking for date number three or five or whatever it is.  Bad, bad, girl I told myself.  But no.  I mean, obviously, I should try out this delayed gratification thing, but the way I interact with a guy is organic, I don’t follow a blueprint, or tradition or rules or any of that shit. I do what I feel.  My life up to now is proof of that. So scolding myself for being slutty is just wrong. So is the word slut(ty).

My problem was that I used to open my heart just as readily as my legs, and that is just asking for trouble. Now I know better.

Also, most men categorize you when you sleep with them immediately, and don’t take a woman who wants sex as much as they do seriously as relationship material. Guys if you disagree, please comment below. I find younger men a little less…brainwashed in this respect, but for men of my generation (over 40), wow it’s bad.

So to focus on traditional dating routine, I very consciously had two categories of guys next time I went through profiles online. Dating and fucking.
I was actually looking for guys to date, not fuck (could I even date a man I didn’t want to fuck asap? How do you do that?) and I found a few guys that were kind of interesting. More on that in another post.

Then, I trip over a profile from a guy claiming that this is the last time he’s editing his profile before he removes it completely, because the dating experiences have been so bad. I laugh and keep reading. He’s tired of the drama, the insanity, the people with anger management and baby daddy issues, and in fact, has given up on finding a relationship. He now wants to meet women for sex, and if things develop from there, fine, if not, bye-bye. He says he knows he’s going to get flack from women about his profile, but he doesn’t care anymore.  I laughed so hard I cried, then I looked at his pictures. Wow. Hot. Definitely the fuck pile.  So I emailed him a note with Kudos in the subject line and commended him for his honesty. I also mentioned he wasn’t the only one who thought sex could be a great way to start something…or not.
We’ve been talking and texting for a week, but our schedules are so out of wack that we haven’t been able to get together yet. But I predict this week. I also hope to go out on a straight date this week too. No, really, lol.

Image: Venus del espejo, by Diego Velásquez, 1649. British National Gallery.


  • Ms. Behaves

    April 10, 2012 at 6:34 pm

    I relate to what you say about sexual validation, and thinking about it, I think I made a breakthrough on why its so important to me. Stay tuned.<br />And thanks for commenting 😉

  • Anonymous

    April 10, 2012 at 3:31 am

    i soo get what you write about starting with the heat and not being sure how to start a &quot;normal&quot; relationship. I find that I&#39;m (kinda) the same way. I&#39;ve definitely phone sexed a guy early on, LOVE double entendres in early convos. The &quot;problem&quot; if there is any, is that I&#39;ve come to realize that what I really need from men is clear, and copious amounts, of sexual

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