When I realized this I started judging myself and started to think that when I am ready to be in a relationship, I couldn’t do it this way anymore, I should go the traditional route and do the dating, and leave the fucking for date number three or five or whatever it is. Bad, bad, girl I told myself. But no. I mean, obviously, I should try out this delayed gratification thing, but the way I interact with a guy is organic, I don’t follow a blueprint, or tradition or rules or any of that shit. I do what I feel. My life up to now is proof of that. So scolding myself for being slutty is just wrong. So is the word slut(ty).
My problem was that I used to open my heart just as readily as my legs, and that is just asking for trouble. Now I know better.
Also, most men categorize you when you sleep with them immediately, and don’t take a woman who wants sex as much as they do seriously as relationship material. Guys if you disagree, please comment below. I find younger men a little less…brainwashed in this respect, but for men of my generation (over 40), wow it’s bad.
So to focus on traditional dating routine, I very consciously had two categories of guys next time I went through profiles online. Dating and fucking.
I was actually looking for guys to date, not fuck (could I even date a man I didn’t want to fuck asap? How do you do that?) and I found a few guys that were kind of interesting. More on that in another post.
Then, I trip over a profile from a guy claiming that this is the last time he’s editing his profile before he removes it completely, because the dating experiences have been so bad. I laugh and keep reading. He’s tired of the drama, the insanity, the people with anger management and baby daddy issues, and in fact, has given up on finding a relationship. He now wants to meet women for sex, and if things develop from there, fine, if not, bye-bye. He says he knows he’s going to get flack from women about his profile, but he doesn’t care anymore. I laughed so hard I cried, then I looked at his pictures. Wow. Hot. Definitely the fuck pile. So I emailed him a note with Kudos in the subject line and commended him for his honesty. I also mentioned he wasn’t the only one who thought sex could be a great way to start something…or not.
We’ve been talking and texting for a week, but our schedules are so out of wack that we haven’t been able to get together yet. But I predict this week. I also hope to go out on a straight date this week too. No, really, lol.
Image: Venus del espejo, by Diego Velásquez, 1649. British National Gallery.