The Relationship Chromosome?

The Relationship Chromosome?

“Are any of these guys relationship material?”

One of my best friends and one of the privileged few who knows I write this blog asked me this question a few weeks ago.
It was kind of hard not to say:
“Haven’t you been listening? I’m exploring/enjoying/experimenting with my sexuality and not caring right now,”
because I love her to pieces.
The short answer to her question is no.
It bothers me that all the high fives about enjoying my sexuality and men was really hiding that question. As if I’m being open sexually in order to meet The One.  No. Not even a little bit.

I’m having lots of sex because I love to, and I hadn’t had any in a very, very long time.  I do want a long term relationship eventually, but I have a feeling it won’t be a conventional one. Whatever, I’m still figuring it out and I’m not preoccupied with it.

 I thought this was an isolated incident, but no. Another girlfriend asked me what happened to G.  “That was over ages ago,” I told her (she doesn’t know about this blog). She got this pained look on her face like she was going to cry.
“What? What happened?”
Since we work together, she had enjoyed his texts (funny, endearing and constant) when I shared them.

“I told you that it  wasn’t going to last, I say. Besides, I met this other guy — ” and she interrupts all ready to console.

“What happened?”

 I take a deep breath and shake my head. I don’t tell her the truth, that it was about the sex mostly and that I’m fine not seeing him again. Very few people can hear that and accept it at face value. It’s always questioned and it’s always assumed (of women) that sexual…freedom is a symptom of some kind of trauma or mental defect. We’re conditioned to think women are all seeking to settle down and have children.

I keep it simple. “It just didn’t work out,” I say.

 “But it’s ok, I’ve met — ”  “Oohhhh, I’m so sorry,” she interrupts.  “Don’t worry about it,” I say, annoyed. Then (because I trust her) I explain that I’m not doing the relationship thing at the moment, I’m just having fun.
But when we talk about men that I uh, “see” she’s always in this old-fashioned dating rules mode. I mean, what the hell do I care what a man thinks of me after I did the entire kama sutra with him? I will damn well call him or text him if I please. If he’s unhappy with that (not likely), I’m sure he’ll let me know.
The matchmaking continued. My cousin who is like the sister I never had, asked me if there was any chance of a relationship with the Terminator. Really? A guy who’s busy sharing his prowess with anyone who answers his ad on Craigslist? I don’t judge him for that — hell I answered his ad — but his life right now doesn’t scream “ready for commitment”. He’s talking to me like a friend, but that’s hardly a commitment, that’s a friendship.

So what’s the deal with my girls?
Why are they looking for a relationship when great sex is enough for me? Why does great sex and only great sex not do it for them? Why are they looking for a fairy-tale happily-ever-after when a happy ending is good for me?

Is it a girl thing? The feminist in me bridles at this, but I have no male intimates to talk this over with right now. Note to self: change that.

I have a message for my ladies everywhere: It is o.k. to just have sex with different men you like (as long as you play safely). I am busy having a lot of great sex right now and not ready for a relationship. I want one eventually, but it probably won’t be a conventional one. Even if I don’t want a relationship, that’s cool too. I’ll know when I get there. In the meantime, please celebrate my journey, and stop trying to turn it into a Lifetime TV movie. Thank you. I love you.

Image: The Reluctant Bride by Auguste Toulmouche. Public Domain.

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