Validation and the Body

Validation and the Body

After writing about how most of my relationships have started with sex and developed from there, someone commented that they could relate, and that they thought it could have something to do with needing to be validated sexually. A bell went off in my head when I read this. I need to be accepted naked before I’m accepted emotionally. Why? Body issues.

I’ve been overweight for most of my life, fluctuating from killer curves to um, amplitude, depending on my frame of mind. I’ve never been on a diet in my life. If I want to lose weight, I adjust my what I eat and get more exercise. It sounds crazy in this age of stomach-stapling and liposuction, but if you consume less calories and get some exercise, the weight comes off.
But a word to women out there fighting the bulge thinking skinny is the key to the relationship of your dreams. My worst heartbreaks have happened when I was at my slimmest. Nevertheless, as women, we think that if we’re tighter, thinner, more toned, or surgically augmented, men will find us more attractive. It’s a fallacy. What they find attractive is your confidence, because the workout/surgery/or whatever makes you feel better about yourself.
The need to be accepted naked stems from history and not the present. There were plenty of times I was a wallflower at a high school dance, but there were also times I danced all night; and I had a high school sweetheart who broke my heart to little pieces when I was at my thinnest and most beautiful. The past takes on the hue of our own insecurities and issues, which are caused as much by media browbeating as by experience.
I’m finding all kinds of acceptance and appreciation right now, and reveling in it.
Right now I’m in between full-figured and curvy, losing weight because I started 2012 on a mission to be healthier. The sex part came later. My willingness to get naked with strange men is a bold move that is a complete 180 from my 20 year-old self, who was so afraid of being rejected for my curves that I hung on to my virginity like a life-preserver.  Poor, deluded girl, I didn’t know how hot I was. Although I’m more comfortable in my skin now, I’m not where I want to be body-wise, but the validation I’m finding for my body as it is, is helping me to get where I want to be.
Does this mean I shouldn’t start relationships with sexual heat? Hell no, it just means now I know how it all started. Can you say “breakthrough?”
Image: Photo of model Crystal Renn via no copyright infringement intended.

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