I’m still at a loss for words about yesterday. I have only hackneyed clichés: Intense, heart-breakingly intimate, beautiful, hot, tender. Loving.
Moments come to me in flashbacks, flooding me with emotion and desire. Making out on the sofa, biting, playing with each other; how he knew I needed to be fucked immediately when we got to the bed; the missionary askew position which let me control the action even though he was top; his kisses and licks along the nape of my neck and down my back; his moans when I licked his neck from base to jaw as he pumped deep inside me; that deep and close from-behind that had us howling like animals; thrusting against him and watching his face as he came…and the funny. “I think I’ve spoiled you,” he said at one point, and I laughed so hard I almost got hiccups.
Spoiled me? You’ve made other men irrelevant, I thought but didn’t say.
Things we said..
“baby what are you — oh my god, yes.” Every time I came he would twist it, shift it, move it, enhance the position in some way and bring on another orgasm. He is gifted.
“I want to enjoy you..” Him to me, I forget the context, but he was staring at my tits at the time, lol.
“Don’t move.” Me on top. I get controlling.
“What are you thinking?” Me this time. I never ask this type of question, but he started it. There was this expression when we kissed of unbearable sweetness…
“I can’t believe we met on Craigslist,” he responded. Laughter. More sweet kisses.
“You know I care about you because I’m letting you take so many breaks.” I manage to raise an eyebrow at him from where I’ve been pounded to a pulp on the bed. “Otherwise I’d be merciless.” I few seconds later I feel his soft mouth on my pussy (so good when I’m face down) relentlessly arousing me, and before long we continue the sweet debauchery.
We actually slept this time…briefly.
I’ve never been so in love and so in lust at the same time. Yeah I said it. I mean why deny it? We all know that’s what’s going on. Usually one outweighs the other, but here…wow.
I can barely acknowledge the L-word. But I have to be honest, that’s part of the process. It feels like love from here. I’m not ready for a relationship, and I’m not sure its even a good idea, considering the age thing, the kid thing (he wants some, I’m done with that), etc. But just walking away is not an option now.
Having dropped the L-bomb, I know I have some ‘splainin‘ to do…but I’m not sure I can explain. I don’t know how it happened. Sex? But it’s more than that. When I told my very dear friend earlier this week that I was pretty sure it was love, her first question was — based on what? What are my feelings based on?
His character. What do I know about his character? Not a damn thing, except what he tells me, which could all be fiction. But on some level, I know that he is a decent person with a deep sense of right and wrong. And that is sexy. Also he is smart, easygoing and sweet.
Usually when I fall in love there is a lot of angst and drama, and a ridiculous sense of urgency about things. I had that for about two days. Then I got over it. I asked myself some hard questions. What was the rush? What would it change/improve/enhance to run headlong into an exclusive involvement? What do I know about him really? Yeah. Slow the fuck down girl.
His calm, steady demeanor, his quiet strength steadied me. I’m still freaked out, but I don’t feel alone. Whatever this is, whatever the future holds or doesn’t hold, we’re figuring it out together as friends and lovers, and we have each other’s back. It’s a tender place to be.
Image: by Lee Bogle. I do not own the image or hold the copyright. No infringement intended.