Prognosis: Polyamorous?

Prognosis: Polyamorous?
I started this blog because when I started dating again, I began fucking around instead of “dating” in the in the traditional sense. I thought that recording my experiences and my feelings would help be figure things out. I always assumed that the fucking around would be a temporary stage I was going through after so many years of celibacy. Now, I’m not so sure.

I know that the end result of dating for many women — marriage, home and domestic bliss — makes me want to throw up. But I do have the same desire to connect emotionally with someone, to have a “relationship.”

So the blog started as a chronicle and a tool to help me figure things out as I go along.
After fucking around for a very little while I met someone very special who I care about and who cares about me, but even so, the “exclusivity” has been hard. I wasn’t ready to stop the fuck-fest, and I truly didn’t want to. The reason I stopped was that I really care about Mr. Jones and I wanted to experience the emotional bonding and intimacy without distractions. I wanted to nurture our emotional attachment.
I don’t want to have a committee meeting every time I want to fuck somebody
I also did not blog about our sexual intimacy after a certain point, because I didn’t want to exploit it, and this may leave the impression that he is lacking in that department, but he is not, not at all.
Now I find myself loving this man but wanting more sexual adventure. More sex, period. It’s not that he doesn’t satisfy me, because he does. He’s a spectacular lover, which belies his slightly geeky appearance. I didn’t know I could have so many different types orgasms until I landed in his bed. But that’s not the point.
It would be hard for any one man to keep up with me. I don’t know why, I just know that it’s true. After lying to Mr. Jones to have more sex (okay to cheat on him), he has presented me with the perfect opportunity to open the relationship temporarily, and I’m pretty sure I’m going to do it.

Someone commented on a previous post that I am actually polyamorous, and that I should ask for an open relationship. I have nothing against polyamory, but I don’t think that’s me, for several reasons. From what I’ve read, polyamory involves being in love relationships with several people at the same time, who may each have other lovers. Group co-habitation is common, though not required. There is constant communication, negotiation, rule-setting and confabulations which would drive me insane. Not to mention pecking order.

I don’t want to have a committee meeting every time I want to fuck somebody, nor do I want to know who my partners are fucking besides me. Fuck compersion, I’m a jealous, possessive lover. As I’ve written here previously, in my brain, once I fuck you, you belong to me forever. I like the idea of polyamory, and I admire those who can achieve it, but it’s not me. But I’m not monogamous either. Maybe later. Maybe.

Going forward, I see my relationship with Mr. Jones as being my primary relationship and any other men I get involved with as mostly friends with benefits, nothing more. I don’t have the time or energy for another full-on relationship.  Again, there are always exceptions to the rule, but that is the way I see things now.  In full-on fantasy mode, I would be able to have relationships with both J. and Terminator and we would all live happily ever after. On Planet Impossible.

As Terminator whispered to me once in the throes of passion: “Imagine this every night.”

Image: original source unknown. I do not own the image or copyright and no infringement is intended.

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