As I said here before, just because Mr. Jones gave me permission to step out on him because of what happened, doesn’t mean he was really o.k. with it. I knew he wasn’t, but he loves me and doesn’t want me to feel trapped. I love him for this, among other things.
My initial horror at the idea of six months of celibacy gave way to the realization that I really love him and that this experience could deepen things between us. It could also mean that we could enjoy each other in other ways. I thought that we would learn all sorts of ways to please each other and expand a little, use the time as a learning experience and have fun. So I ended things with Terminator in December with that in mind, and also because I love Mr. Jones.
So what happens? Mr. Jones’ interest in exploration is cool, but he is resentful of the toy. Granted, he told me he would be, but I wasn’t prepared for his very apparent…sulking, when I introduce it. I have to stop myself from laughing at his expression. This is not some life-like ginormous dildo or anything like that. It’s a pink, curvy vibrator that should not be threatening in the least. Except it is. Sigh.
I thought I had done all the right things to make it easier for him. During the first few weeks, I concentrated on the both of us, and we started exploring each other and pleasuring each other as I had hoped. All nice and beautiful, although I found that clitoral and nipple orgasms just make me want to be fucked. It actually hurts. I told him about it but I waited a little while, and then I used it on him first as a prostrate massager. We included the toy in a couple of sessions after we had played together without it. Things went well until I told him I needed the vaginal orgasm. The first time he he was a little resistant, but he helped me orgasm with it which was fantastic. I thought we were on our way to enlightenment, but the last time we were together he actually pulled it out of me saying “I can’t take it anymore,” and tried to fuck me himself (after putting on a condom), but he had already come twice before while we were playing, so no wood. So he gets up and goes to the shower, leaving me….pissed. Extremely.
He wouldn’t discuss it, even later, except to say it was no big thing and that everything would be fine. But from that moment I knew that I would be contacting the Terminator (see previous post) and that I would have to keep it from J. If he became this upset about a pink vibrator, another man could make him homicidal. I know that he understands me and my appetite, but he can’t help the way he feels. He’s struggling to deal with this and all the other things associated with this situation, so after an initial period of anger and frustration, I’ve decided to accept things for the moment and be the understanding, supportive girlfriend (yes, I can do that). No toy, and he will get most, if not all of the orgasms. I will have the Terminator, occasionally.